You have permission to edit this article.
Dear Abby: Mom's life has less stress after man leaves for prison
editor's pick
Dear Abby

Dear Abby: Mom's life has less stress after man leaves for prison

  • 0

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a child with a man who is now incarcerated. I was widowed when I met him, and although he brought me happiness, it has come at a steep price.

I pay for literally everything. I love him very much, but his entitlement was an issue even before he had legal issues. Now he has become very nasty and minimizes everything I do.

If I send $100, he's upset that I didn't send $200. If I have a day off from work that I don't spend communicating with a lawyer and the courts, I'm "not taking initiative." He has even gone so far as to say it was my fault he got in trouble because I was on his case so often that he "had to go out to get some peace." His only redeeming quality is his wonderful relationship with the kids, who see none of our fights and regard him as a father figure.

He is now even more negative and derogatory than when he was at home. I manage a busy restaurant and a household of five children. Since he has been away, I'm ashamed to say life has actually been less stressful.

I think my loneliness when I met him made it easier to ignore red flags. In every other aspect of my life, I am an independent woman who has the respect of my peers. Is it too late to set boundaries with him? -- GROWING IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROWING: This emotionally abusive individual is milking you like you are a Guernsey cow. His ingratitude is boundless. You are not the reason he got himself in trouble with the law, and it isn't your responsibility to get him out or support him financially.

It is way too late to set boundaries with this manipulative ingrate. He won't change. What you must do now -- for your own sake and for your children's -- is tell him you are finished and cut ties with him.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Kansas and my boyfriend lives in another state. We talk online all the time, but I haven't heard from him in three days and I don't know what to think. My friends say I'm being paranoid, but I can't help but think that he might be seeing another girl. I've had problems like this before and ended up getting hurt because I didn't listen when my friends told me that a guy was cheating. What should I do? -- LONG-DISTANCE LOVE

DEAR L.D.L.: Recognize that as much as two people might care about each other, long-distance romances don't always have fairytale endings. I don't know if your boyfriend is cheating. Neither do you and neither do your friends.

It's time for you to have a calm conversation with your boyfriend. Tell him you were worried by his three-day silence because it was unusual. Let him respond. If you are satisfied with his answer, change the subject. However, if you aren't, ASK him if he has met someone closer to home and tell him to level with you. It takes courage to do this, but it will save you a lot of pain in the long run.


Catch the latest in Opinion

* I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site constitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy.

Related to this story

Most Popular

  • Updated

H. Dennis Beaver: “Mr. Beaver, I am finally starting to earn real money in my medical practice but don’t know the first thing about investing. I need concrete advice on handling money, building wealth, but don’t want to become a slave to money."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for six mostly blissful years, but recently, some of his fantasies have started to worry me. About six months ago, he told me he had an attraction to women with amputations. Naturally, I was confused. I didn't even know that was a "thing," but I accepted it, even though I thought it was odd.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young wife. I married after three months of dating my military husband. He was previously in an on-again/off-again relationship that lasted about eight years, during which she had a baby with another man, etc. I believe my husband is still in love with her. After constantly asking him, he says he just wishes her well and he doesn't have any romantic feelings. I'm not sure what to do, and I just keep overthinking it. Any thoughts? -- HATES HUSBAND'S HISTORY

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior male. I understand I may have some beliefs that others find old-fashioned. However, I consciously try to be tolerant of others' feelings and beliefs. That said, my problem is with my younger brother, who is a homosexual. I have always tried to ignore that side of his life and, consequently, we have always had a good relationship. He lives in another state, so we only talk on the telephone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 20s, married and happily child-free. My best friend recently became pregnant, and I am having a hard time with it. I don't enjoy children, and it feels like I am losing my best friend. All she wants to talk about is the baby. I've tried hinting that I'll be here when she and her husband need a break from being "Mom and Dad," but she continues to talk on and on about the all-consuming baby.

Get up-to-the-minute news sent straight to your device.


News Alerts

Breaking News